Ahh! That was an year of turbulence. Especially the second half of the year was the toughest. Many times I remembered pilot announcement "Ladies and gentleman, we are experiencing some turbulence. Please return to your seats and fasten your belts." So I tried to stay calm.
I think, it was battle between philosophy and actions. To me, actions are planned with "linear" thinking and they are pretty much defined by philosophy I believe in. She is a go-getter. Daughter's education and choices of "what next in life?" were at the heart of the turbulence.
Further part of pilot announcement says "This is normal during this season of the year. There is nothing much we can do about it." So I thought its part of married life and I continued to remain calm with self help lingo "acceptance".
It occurred to me that we were going in two different directions and I hardly saw any way of merging. I went blank. It looked like dead end. In flight lingo, it turned to "severe" turbulence and I was shaken up and of course, in turn, she too was.
Then followed couple of cold wars (read silence periods) and failing peace making dialogues. Let me accept, it was stressful. We talked, talked, went into silence, then talked loudly, followed by silence, then talked again :-)
What we discovered in the process was I share a lot on what I like/don't like, my philosophy etc. and she understands, tries to align with me. Many times she makes strategies (my belief) and gets my buy in. I feel she should have her own freedom and so I should I allow her to do what she likes to. She is go-getter, jumps on to new ideas spontaneously where as I sit, analyse and go in dilemma to say yes/no and hence I get jittery. In turn she is pissed off.
I realised, it was about our individual "freedom". If I say "yes" to some thing I didn't really want her to do, then I am infringing on my freedom. If I say "no" to something she wants to do, then I am infringing on her freedom. If I look from her angle, if she says yes to something she does not like to do she is being "good" wife but it comes with certain expectations which again means freedom of both of us is infringed. So it was dead lock.
What helped was talking all this loudly both outside and within. I think I can now say we understand each other "better" :-)
Each conflict has helped us understand each other better. Some times I take it forward and some times she. Fortunately so far, when one of us has given up, the other has taken it forward.
And here we are celebrating 13 years of journey.
I would like to thank following, without which our journey would have been much difficult.
Firstly "Landmark Education" programs, leaders and all the volunteers (people who assist). With participation in the initial years of our marriage, our journey started with good foundation - to be authentic, to express freely, to embrace life, what it means to have intimate relationship and so on.
Geniekids (www.geniekids.com) family. People and philosophy here helped us to continue our journey with our children.
Our cars: They have given us space to talk, fight, make decisions of our life :-) I can't imagine doing these at home.
Our car stereos: They played numerous audio books, discourses, songs. They have helped us stay on course, build dreams, stay peaceful.
My colleagues: I have quite open minded, big hearted colleagues. We joke on relationships. We share our ups and downs (some times openly and some times abstract way). We laugh at each other loudly. This has helped me to take our journey easy.
All my relatives, friends: You have contributed to our journey, directly or indirectly.
